Give Me Sunflowers
by felicialovescats
Summary: Russia had always felt so lonely, so suffocated. He wanted.. he didn't even know what he wants... but will he get it?


**Wahahaha! I finally found inspiration to write about my second favourite character in Hetalia - Russia! And incredibly, this is finished in a day... (what a big accomplishment for me...)**

**Russia is (I think) the only one that I like with _no _love interest and stuff. I like USxUK, Johnlock, Prunada/Franada (depends), McDanno and Russia! I mean, Russia with China is okay, when they are the side character...**

**Anyways, enjoy!**

* * *

I walk back to my mansion slowly, taking my time. I don't want to be alone in my big and empty house. Here in the fields, in the gardens where the sky is your ceiling and the grass is your floor, you don't feel that lonely.

But things are not like that in my house. There walls are thick and suffocating, the ceilings are too low and the floor is always about to swallow you up. Being in my house makes me feel like I can't breathe. And the coldness of Russia doesn't help at all.

I always feel like someone's choking me.

But no matter how slow I go, I will always reach my house. And when I reach there, it would be weird for me to walk away. And even if I walk away, where would I sleep? People who doesn't sleep in houses in Russia are either homeless or idiotic, сумасшедший (crazy). And even if I want to sleep outside, my body cannot handle to cold even if I kill thousands of bears for their fur on me.

And now I reach my house. I look up and see. My house is dark, dark...

_And lonely..._

It's now just a house. A few years ago (or was it a few thousands? I can't tell anymore. I can't keep track on time nowadays... Days just blend together.), when the Baltic trios were here it was fine... I was not actually counted as a friend, but at least an employer is still enough. I didn't feel that lonely back then...

Now it's just a house, a кров (shelter). I want... I need a home, a семья, a family...

But it is just a wish that cannot come true. I am Russia. I am the biggest country in the world.

But I am the loneliest one among my country friends.

* * *

I like it when there's a world meeting, even if we never get anything done unless it's an emergency. I like to get away from my own country, even for a while. I didn't mean that I will betray my country (how can I when I _am_ the country?) but it can be so suffocating there.

Here in these meetings I can at least pretend that I am not alone, that I am with them. But some days even I cannot fool myself. Like today.

'Oh my gods what happened to Russia?'

'Mon dieu, he looked like he hadn't been asleep for years!'

'France, just get back to your own seat. The meeting is about to start.'

'Ve~~ Russia looked even more scary!'

'Alright! Keep quiet and get back to your own seat!' Germany yells for everyone to shut up. He gives me a worried glance so I just smile at him.

'Da? Germaniya?' I ask.

'Uh... nothing.' He looks away and I sit down at my own seat. The arguments between America and Britain are already starting. The others are also doing their own things. I just look around, occasionally meeting the eyes of some other nations. Most of them are new. The ones that existed as long as I or near that don't even look at me. They treat me as some maniac, some crazy man.

I can't say that I disagree.

It is as if something was forcing me to wear a mask. Whenever I want to help, just like now as things between America and Britain get out of control, and I just want to help Germany to stop them...

'Ah~~ more vodka would be nice today, right Lithuania? To celebrate for the fact that you will all be with Mother Russia soon, da?' I will say.

Yes, it stop them, but it make me feel so bad for making Lithuania shake and stammer a yes and moving away from me quickly. Then everybody stare at me for a while before Germany got their attention and thus starting the meeting.

I ignore what Germany is saying. He's talking about the economics today and frankly, I think it is still alright at this level. They should be glad that at least they are getting food and are not starving. Some smaller nations and some states of countries are having people who are starving and lacking food.

The meeting falls silent. I look up and see that everybody is looking at me.

'Da?'

'That... actually make sense...' England mutters. _What make sense?_

Then I realize that I had voiced my opinions out. I fake laugh immediately to save myself. I cannot let them know that I can be sane sometimes. I don't know why, I just don't want them to find out. 'Well, food is important right? Food and sunflowers!'

They ignore me afterwards and I take precautions to not simply blurt something out like that time again.

* * *

Unlike all the times that I had been in a meeting, this time I rush out of the room. Unlike all those times, I can't handle the questions that might or might not be coming towards me about the 'outburst' just now. I just smile at them, releasing the aura with the clear message of 'don't come near me I've gone crazy' and go out of the room.

They won't come after me. They don't want to come after me whenever I do that. If I don't do that, China may come after some thinking, as we are some sort of neighbouring countries that I am quite close to. But I don't want any questioning anyway.

Besides, it's not like he's my friend...

And it's not like anyone cares about me. I'm Russia! The craziest nation in this world.

And the loneliest.

* * *

I walk out the building, certain that nobody will be familiar to me or with me in these Britain streets. The meeting this time is in England, and I haven't been in England for a long time. Nowadays it's in America mostly, and sometimes it's in France and maybe Germany.

I never let people go in my country. They won't like the cold. And there is always not enough sunlight. Not like anywhere else in the world where the sun can be seen almost 12 hours a day.

I walk, my shoulders drooping as I look down at the streets. I don't like my height. And my body figure. It makes me feel so much worse because I make people 'look up' to me, and I don't like that. And I overheard Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia saying that my height scares them.

I still need to stand straight when it's in front of other nations because hunching your back means uncertainty and no self-confident, and once a nation shows that to the others, you are screwed. But when it's only me or me and some humans, I hunch my back, making myself smaller. And of course my smile would disappear.

There is nothing to smile at, after all.

Then I see a little girl with a basket. I don't think much, I just walk past her. But her sweet voice calls me. 'Mister, buy a sunflower?'

_A sunflower? _

I turn around, and see my favourite flower held in the girl's hand, its colour so bright. I stop and went to the girl. I squat down. 'Hello, moy prekrasnyy angel (my lovely angel).'

'Uh... hello?' The girl stammered. 'Buy a sunflower?'

'Da, pozhaluysta (yes, please).' To help the girl who obviously doesn't know what I am saying, I smile and nod.

The girl grins. She gives the one in her hands to me. '10 pence, please!'

I stuff my hands inside my pocket and find some pounds. I just give to her. She looks shocked.

'But mister...'

'It's okay. Take it. Thank you.' I say to her.

_Really, spasibo (thank you). This is the first time in years people, someone had offered me something. Thank you, angel._

I stand up, ignoring her cries of 'too much money' and walk away. But I stop when I feel someone holding my coat. I look down – it's the girl. I squat down again.

She is crying; I wipe her tears. 'Why? Don't cry.'

'Please, mother said to not take too much money...' She cries, sobbing while pushing the notes to me. I shake my head and push her hands back to her and she cries even harder. She keeps shaking her head.

'Where is your mother, ангел (angel)?' I caress her cheek. If it was the me long ago, I won't be doing this... no, I won't even be buying the flower. But now, after all those years, my heart... softens. I decide to bring the girl to her mother and buy all her sunflowers.

'My mother... passed away long time ago.' She sobs. My heart twist for her. At such a young age...

I stand up and offer her my hand. 'Come.' I say. And she holds my hand. _So trusting..._

I do not know what I will do with the child, whom when I ask about her name she says she doesn't have one. I gave her the name Инесса, or Inessa, pure and holy. She is my angel, my sunflower angel.

The reason why I like sunflower is because it symbolize the sun, which is what I needed in my immortal life. My world has been getting darker and darker and I had lost track of my sun, my objective in life and my goal.

My original goal? I do not know and I now do not plan to know. I have a new goal now.

Making sure my sunflower angel is always happy.

And by that, she shall make me happy.

* * *

**Well, this is my first time using the first person POV so, yeah. If there's anything, just tell kay? And that goes for the Russian too. We all know that google translate can be very useful (not).**

**And, well. I read it again and it sounded incomplete. I don't know what happened. I was planning for a one-shot! I may continue, but for now it's complete.**

**xxfelicialovescatsxx**

**-cats are as awesome as Russia! (and England)! ^V^**


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